Dear Mom:

Why did you make being a “MOM” look so easy!? 

 You cooked probably the best egg burritos known to man and always had a home cooked meal for dinner, even if you had 6 kids and a brand new baby in tow.  It seemed to me that you lived in the kitchen and you loved it!  Little did I know that maybe wiping counters, doing dishes, and sweeping floors probably wasn’t your favorite hobby.

You are also probably the best listener I have ever met.  I can’t imagine having to listen to 7 kids tell about their totally awesome day at school.  You had to keep up with 1^st grade problems all the way up to senior drama.  How was I supposed to know that you actually had a life other then listening to all of us whine and complain?

Mom, you were probably my favorite nurse I have ever had!  I still have all the memories of those lovely bandage changes for my thumb.  I remember thinking how hard-core you were for having to look at my thumb and clean it while I stuck my head under the table because I couldn’t even look at it!  Let’s not forget all the many times you have had to clean up puke, poop, and many other nasty messes 7 kids can make. Yet, that was your job. Not Dad’s, because lets be honest, Dad probably had a weaker stomach then all us kids put together!

Why didn’t you tell me that when I have kids of my own that breakfast for me consist now of toast and if I am lucky I can poor myself some cereal!  Making dinner while having two fussy kids really isn’t as easy as it looks. Heck, making dinner even if you don’t have kids isn’t easy. I remember watching you clean and thinking, “that just looks boring!” Now cleaning is therapeutic for me… I think that’s just me though. It’s nice having a clean kitchen after having a long hard day.  I now see that it wasn’t your hobby but it was maybe a way to relieve stress, or maybe for us to leave you alone. (Because as a kid no one wants to be around mom while she is cleaning or else she would offer us to join her!) 

Mom, why didn’t you tell me to just SHUT UP with all my annoying middle school and high school woes!! Why didn’t you tell me that there were more important things you were worrying about then how my day went? You never told me that maybe you had a hard day and needed someone to listen to you once in awhile.

Mom, why didn’t you warn me that being a “mommy nurse” is probably the hardest job there ever was? Watching my 6-month-old twins go through teething is so heart breaking. (and its just teething! there will be worse things to come!) I feel so helpless trying to soothe them and make them comfortable. Feeling like this brings me back to the time we were told I had cancer, the look on your face is something I will never forget. You started to cry and I thought, “Why is she crying? I am the one with cancer!” Little did I know that your heart was literally breaking inside.  The pain that you suffered watching me, was probably worse then any pain I had to endure. 

Mom you also didn’t tell me how rewarding it is to be a mom. You didn’t tell me how your heart melts into a pile of goo when your babies smile at you for the first time.  You left out the part where you look like a crazy person jumping up and down and clapping you hands when your kids roll over.  I can’t even imagine all the feelings I will get as my kids continue to grow. I see now how all those “hard times” are worth it.

Mom, thank you for being MY mom! I know you really didn’t have a choice in the matter, but I know I wouldn't have it any other way! I have seen just a GLIMPSE of what you have had to endure these past 33 years of being a mom, and it makes me feel so lucky to have you as my mom! I love you now more then I have ever loved you! You are my rock and my example. I hope that one day I can feel proud to know that I was half the mom you were to me!  I love you mom!

P.S. Thank you for not showing me how hard it is to be a mom… because I’m afraid I would have never wanted to be one… and that would have been the worst mistake EVER! 

Catching up.

I can't believe its already the END of October! I really don't know where the time has gone? I keep trying to tell my self its still summer.... but now that most of the leaves have fallen I probably should stop thinking its summer.

The past couple of months have been really busy. ( hence the lack of blogging. Plus I'm not very good at it anyways.) SO I will just do a recap what we have been up to till now.

- In May, Sandy got a new job working for a Utah commercial developer. He LOVES it and its good to see that he finally is in a job that he truly loves.

- On our 3rd anniversary we flew up to Alaska to spend a good amount of time up there for our summer vacation. It was SO nice to go back home and relax.

We got to go to my cousins cabin for a few days and just relax and enjoy this view!  Alaska amazes me how beautiful it is. Its sad I had to move away to realize what a beautiful state I grew up in.

{Hiking around Seldovia.}

Sandy's Mom came with us to Alaska and we so happened to be up during the time we could find out the gender of the twins. So we thought it would be fun to do a little revealing party with both grandparents there.  From the moment we found out we were having twins Sandy kept saying that baby A was going to be a boy and baby B would be a girl.  Of course, I would roll my eyes at his confidence and brushed it off... but alas he was right from the very beginning giving the boy more of a big head :). He feels pretty proud of himself.  

The rest of the trip was spent just hanging out with family going on hikes, going the movies, spending time at the lake and just hanging out. 

{ and of course loving on this little dude. Seriously he is the cutest baby ever. I couldn't get enough of this little love} 

- The rest of our summer was consumed of working, talking Cassie on long walks, going to Tim McGraw ( yes for the 2nd year in a row), Blake Shelton, Band Perry concerts and just enjoying our last couple months before our lives change in November. 

{ This year we got seats to the concerts. Boy am I sure glad we did!  Because my back couldn't take standing for 4 hours.} 

{Cassie has become obsessed with any ball she finds. This is usually how she looks 90% of the time she is awake. } 

{ Leslie came to Utah in August. Which makes jeeps rides so much fun with these two dogs! } 

{We went for a short weekend trip to California. It was so HOT but so fun to get away from Utah and hang beach side for a few days} 

{ Our last concert before the summer truly ended } 

Summer time and 14 weeks

Summer is here! Oh how I love the warmth and to be outside!

My work out routine has come to a dead stop the first trimester. I am just not hard core enough to fight the "prego fog"  Now that it's summer and I have hit my 2nd trimester my energy is coming back.

Sandy and I started hiking, rollerblading, and working on our golf swing. It's so nice to be active and working out again. My little side kick Cassie is also loving the weather and being outside.

 

All the activities are wearing her out... I have never seen a dog cuddle as much as she does. I think she knows there is two little babies going to take up both of my arms. So she is soaking as much snuggle time as she can. 

 

(14 weeks)

I'm not a huge fan of mirror selfie's but I thought I would capture the first baby bumpish I could get... I  feel like I look more like I just ate a good thanksgiving dinner! Now much there but I promise there are two little pea pods in there somewhere.

 



One year later = a new ADVENTURE!

It's hard to believe that a little over a year ago I got the results to my PET scan. All was well and the treatments worked. I remember going to visit my dear chemo friend Chuck Liff, who was in the ICU in critical condition.  This day I visited Chuck was the last day I had a true one on one conversation with him.  I told him my results and a smile lit up his face.  "Hanna, I am so excited to watch you have your own kids. It will be so fun and you will learn so much."  Chuck said through a big grin.  I remember just brushing off what he said because he know and I knew that I wouldn't be able to have kids of my own.

 

Now I sit here, a year later, looking up to the sky and laughing because this man knew better then I did. I played his words off due to the high dose of morphine they were pumping in him, but really he knew. 

 

A year ago I finished a wild, scary, and exhausting adventure and now I begin a new one.  This one will be more rewarding, exhausting, and challenging, but in a good way not in a cancer way.  I'm pregnant.... with twins. Expected to arrive around Thanksgiving ( give or take... you never know with twins) 

 

So here I go! I'm ready world for this new ride you have given me. Oh how grateful I am for it too!

Bad times make the Good times better

Spring is here and flowers are popping all over the trees.

  It’s safe to say that spring time is my favorite time of year. It’s a simple reminder to me that after all the dark and cold days, comes new life of blooming trees, sunshine, green grass, and fresh air. It’s amazing how much you miss the warmth of the sun until it’s gone.  Without winter though, I wouldn't enjoy spring as much as I do!  There is a quote in a country song that says “Bad times make the good times better.”   I think I have claimed this as my life’s motto.  A year ago, was my last radiation treatment.  I struggled with radiation the 2^nd time around.  It kicked my butt (almost as bad as ICE chemo…) It’s amazing what one year in time will do.  Life couldn't be better and all I’m doing is living the simple life of working and spending simple weekens with my best friend.   I am so grateful for that “bad time” in my life, for it has taught me to enjoy every moment, even the simple every day to day things.  So thank you winter and thank you Cancer for making today just that much sweeter J

 Bad times really do make the good times that much better! 

 Even this spoiled dog loves the fresh air! 

Can't forget a selfie! 

Baby Soren.

Since everyone flew down to my Aunts funeral I was FINALLY able to meet my new nephew SOREN. 

I am seriously so lucky to have Sisters and a Brother who make the CUTEST babies! I could leave the hard job to them, as long as I get to spoil them :) 

Cousin Love <3 

Even Cassie was obsessed with Baby Soren. 

We drove down to Salina, Utah  where my Aunt's was buried and Cassie was SO concerned about what that baby was doing. She road like this the whole way. 

Seriously... how can you not love on him or any sleeping baby! 

My sweet Aunt Peggy

A couple weeks ago I got the news that my sweet Aunt Peggy passed away.  She may never know what an  inspiration she was to me. Being blind from birth didn't stop her from achieving that things that she wanted to do.  She was so smart, funny, and loving.   Although faced with the hardest trial, I can think of, she still was always such a JOY to be around.  

 My family all flew down to Houston where my Dad’s family it from.  Her memorial service was so amazing. I was touched to see how many people she influenced in her life besides just her family. I'm so grateful for my family and the knowledge that I have. I know Families are Forever and we will live together once again.  What a peace this brings to me when faced with a hard time such as this.   

My nephew Dallin with Neilson. This was probably the hardest part for me was to see this dog ( Peggy's seeing eye dog) at the funeral.  Her dogs were her babies here on this earth and she sure spoiled them.  It was so WEIRD to see the dog and not see her beside him.  

You will forever be missed Aunt Peggy! 

Willardson Cousins.