I.C.E, I.C.E baby!!!

I haven't blogged in the last week. I decided to take my last week before everything started to forget everything! It was so nice. We had all of Sandy's family together for thanksgiving. It was great to see that side of the family and forget about life, enjoy laughter and games. After all the fun, I couldn't deny it anymore.  It was time to start my new adventure in life.

Tuesday came quick, and I had my hickman line put in.  It's nothing like the port I had before. They both have there ups and downs. A port you have to still be poked but you don't have to see it, because its under the skin. A hickman line you never have to be poked ( besides shots) but you can see it coming out of the skin. I like to think that I'm like Iron man with the thing in his chest. Except mine as "utters".Yes, the moment sandy saw my new hardware he says " Hanna look, you have utters now."

 

My sister Katie came down Tuesday night and stayed till Friday. I was SOOOO happy that she came. Just another family member to lean on. Thank you Katie:) Wednesday was the first day of the I.C.E treatment.  I just received one drug. Which was the "E" drug. It only took a few hours to pump into my veins. It wasn't all that bad. Except I HATE HATE HATE the saline flush that cleans out my hickman line. The stuff taste so bad. Maybe because I remember it from last time I went through chemo. It takes like I am sucking on a handful of pennies. Other then that, the treatment went well. I went home a little tired but that's it. Thursday I got my bed assignment and headed the hospital around 10:30.  We sat in my room for about 6 hours before we started my 24 hour drip chemo. 

I had lots of visitors. A lot of the people I work with came to see me, my life long friend Megan Kenley came to see me. The sweetest couple in the world ( The Andersons) stopped by and saw me. Even my brother, who's car was broken down, came all the way from Provo on public transportation came to see me. He is AWESOME! 

It was so nice to have visitors to get my mind off the fact that chemo poison was slowly dripping into my blood. 

Even though my room was really spacious and my bed wasn't all the bad I only got 3.5 hours of sleep.  Apparently  they really wanted to check my vitals, pee, temp, and all that good stuff as much as possible. Leaving it very hard for me to sleep. Due to the fact that I was so tired and chemo was started to have its toll on me, Friday wasn't a great day. I felt terrible. Once I got home I crashed for 12 hours. It was so nice to sleep :)  Ever since then I have been trying so hard to fight the "chemo fog" I feel so weak. All I want to do is sleep.. except I can't because my mind isn't tired. Just my body is.  The past two days I have been putting off my blog because I'm really emotional. I don't want people to think I'm mad, sad, or depressed. I have been trying really hard to tell myself I can do this. Truth is, I don't want to do this! Who wants to get sick for days on end and feel like crap. Ya not me. Yet, I have no other choice. I am just so LUCKY to have so much LOVE! Everyone's love and prayers are truly whats getting me through today, and every other day until I reach the end of this. I want to thank you ALL. For believing in me when I haven't believed in myself. Thank you for all your kind words! I love you all. 

Its a love hate relationship